CERN and the tidal lock Black Holes

From OTwiki

A conspiracy theory that reportedly states that CERN will accidentally itself. After creating two black holes, one where Venus now sits and the other where Jupiter sits, the earth will move into a medium, exactly between the two black holes, and become locked in a time warp that makes earth infinitly more accessible to aliens than before. Then Mugatu will turn into a monkey and spank fazle before OU wins another national championship.

I do the cha-cha.